Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dignity is for republicans.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
