Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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