hotel room ftw
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
