I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
