question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
