if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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