do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I fill condoms, not promises.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
do nipples grow back?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
