youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
