I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
