i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
