i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
