I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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