And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
