i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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