guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
