D3 body, D1 cock
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
