I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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