If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
