so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
