The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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