The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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