Are we in a gay sports bar?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
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