Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
