so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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