I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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