Have you finally orgasmed yet?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
May the power of my ass compel you!!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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