Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Randomize
