I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
