I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
