physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
