When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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