He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You ruined the universe
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
