Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
