this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
