Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
