last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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