Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize