why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
