I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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