I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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