I cannot find my penis.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
