I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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