We should be called the Road Head Warriors
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
