after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
