I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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