Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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