i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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