Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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