i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
