Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
