This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
