either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
