is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize