well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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