Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
