True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
