He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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