He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
