So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
