the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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