Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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