I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
