5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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