i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We are all done wearing pants today
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
