Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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