you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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