You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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