I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
