I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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