well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
