It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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