You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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